I don’t know about you, but sometimes I just need a little encouragement. Like, I am down in the dumps about life, myself, my abilities, and my parenting and I need a phone-a-friend, SOS style intervention. Thank goodness for the ladies I have in my life that they can sense this need in me without me having to ask for it.
The New Testament uses the word for encouragement (parakaleo) 108 times. It means “to call to one’s side, call for, or summon” and also “to address, speak to by way of exhortation, entreaty, comfort, instruction”. It has also been used in terms of console, comfort, and strengthen. In English, the definitions closest to the Greek word are “to receive consultation, be comforted, to strengthen, exhort, and instruct”. Who couldn’t use a little of all that in their life?
We often think about encouragement as being something that someone says to someone else. And while that is definitely one way of encouraging someone, it is not the only way. And also, maybe not even what the other person needs. As an example, I have heard therapist friends talk about how people come in and talk for 45 minutes and then leave thanking them for the good advice, even though there was minimal talking by the therapist. It was all about someone listening to them. We all want to be heard. We all want to be seen.
One of my favorite female friendship examples in the Bible is between Elizabeth and Mary. They are in similar circumstances (highly controversial pregnancies) and Elizabeth is so in tune with the Holy Spirit that she knows exactly what Mary needs to hear:
“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” (Luke 1:45)
This example shows me that encouragement can come through words, but in specific and even small ways (that end up seeming big to others!).
I know our desire is to encourage others in the exact way they need to be encouraged. So, what does that look like? Well, first and foremost, it might look like praying before we meet up. Get in tune with the Holy Spirit like Elizabeth! This will allow you to really serve your friend in the best way possible. Another thing we might be able to do is vary the way we encourage. Maybe we pray together through a tough situation that you know she is going through. If you have a friend who is a new mom, maybe you deliver a coffee or special drink and give her half an hour to shower in peace without having to worry about the baby or other kiddos. If you have a friend who is about to be burnt out with work or other things she is dealing with, maybe a fun movie or dinner together is the key to encouraging her. Maybe you simply send a text to her to let her know you are thinking about how awesome she is. The possibilities are endless. But honestly, the best thing you can do to be an encouragement to others is simply give of yourself.
Let me quickly go back to my first thought about my friends. I was saying how thankful I am that I don’t have to ask for encouragement. Not totally true. And there is nothing wrong with that! We need to make our desires and needs known to those around us. And they need to feel like they can do the same for themselves around you. I don’t have to ask for encouragement often. That is the true statement. But when I do, I know that they are listening and willing to help me out. Ask for a hug, call the friend and admit that you are bummed, and do so unapologetically.
Ladies, let me close with a little encouragement to you. You are amazing! If you have read this whole article it tells me that you want to be a better encourager. That is something to be commended. So show up for our friends and be the encourager. It will make you feel better too!
Lord, thank you for our sweet friends who are there to encourage us when we are down. For those who don’t have that, I pray that you will send them someone who can speak life into their lives in the specific way they need. Thank you for the examples of encouragement you have set out for us in your Word. Help us to be in tune with you and your Holy Spirit so we can be the light in someone’s life. Amen.
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