Recently, my husband and I hosted a marriage conference. The theme of the weekend was “Growing Together.”
We shared much about what we’ve learned in our 28 years of marriage, hoping that others could learn from our mistakes and victories to help them on their marriage journey. Throughout the weekend, there was a lot of laughter. Two people who have been married a long time and are willing to vulnerably and transparently share their own messy experiences as they worked through communication and intimacy issues offer a lot of fodder for humor. The more the crowd could resonate with what we shared the more pronounced the laughter.
There was a moment I remember though when the room went quiet. It was when my husband said, “We just want you to know, our kids are okay.” It hadn’t been in our notes, but it was clear based on the response that it needed to be heard. Tissue boxes spread throughout the room began to be utilized. We all sat quietly in the truth of it for a moment. It was clear, that this concern, regardless of the current state of their marriage, was on the heart of many. The fact that our son, his wife, and our granddaughter were in the room offered more weight.
Two people, who never should have gotten married based on the amount of unpacked baggage each brought into the union and who had children very young. Two people who struggled in all the places as they raised their children. Two people who not only made many mistakes in learning how to love one another, but in learning how to love their children as well. Two people who did the best they could with what they knew and learned many things the hard way along the way.
After all we had shared about our state of brokenness as we struggled to navigate our relationship while raising our children it is nothing short of a miracle that our children turned out okay. Nothing short of Jesus working in their lives to heal and redeem the damage done.
There were, however, years of reckoning. Our young adult children reached a place in their development and autonomy when they began to give voice to the places we had fallen short. At this point, I’m grateful that we were far enough in our journey of healing that we were able to acknowledge, validate, and empathize with the pain we had unintentionally caused in their lives due to our brokenness. As a parent, it is heart-wrenching to come face to face with the wounds left upon those you have been entrusted with despite trying your very best to love them well. Tears were shed. Apologies offered. Grace extended. We are thankful that our children were insightful enough to be able to look at where we came from and understand that the mistakes that were made were based on ignorance and our not-yet-redeemed places.
Each of us has wounds that were inflicted upon our souls by those we were entrusted to as they did their best to love us well. Not all of us can have healing conversations in which we are heard, validated, and empathized with. And even when we do, often, the healing that must be done is beyond the ability of those who listen.
Each of us has One with whom we have been entrusted to that does have the ability to hear, heal, and redeem the woundedness. Not one child of God is without hope.
To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Colossians 1:27
Daughter, Jesus, who lives in you, is your hope of glory!
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:18
This is where our confidence lies.
Regardless of the mistakes made by those we were entrusted to or the mistakes we have made with those entrusted to us, we have a Savior who is the healer, redeemer and restorer of lives and hearts.
The more we engage with Him, look at Him, allow Him to work in us and love on us, the more He will be able to transform us into His image.
So there is always HOPE. Hope that the yet unhealed wounds in your own soul can be healed. Hope that the damage to the souls of your children can be healed. Hope that the damage in the souls of those you were entrusted to that are yet to be healed can still be.
Hold onto HOPE daughter of God.
He is your HOPE.
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